I Miss You
by believeitgirl
Summary: Takes place after Prisoner of Azkaban. Severus, after seeing James' friends and his son-who looks exactly like him- breaks down. Two men unseen are witnesses that the man with no emotions is not so emotionless. Previous JamesxSeverus


Why was he here? Why does he torture himself so? Severus constantly asking himself these questions as he walked toward his destination with one thing in mind; he had to see….

He kept walking, bypassing the broken pieces all over the ground, the pieces that had been broken three years ago that none had bothered to clean up. He would have sneered and done it himself, waving his wand all the while cursing his incompetent coworkers, but he didn't even glance their way. Its magic was defective anyway, what point would it be to look over at it?

Besides, it would distract him from seeing…

Opening the door, he walked through an empty room with metal objects littering the floor and making noise as he walked over them. But, like the pieces in the other room, he did not look at them. Only turn the handle of the doorknob with an odd shaped lock and step into the next room—one that he knew well.

The bottles still sit there, one completely empty and the others being almost empty, since there contents have probably evaporated since the magic that had kept their contents fresh had been broken. This time, he slowed and glanced at the dusty bottles but quickly looked up and kept moving; he had to.

He had to see…. He just had to.

Opening the last door, he gave a sigh of outright relief and closed it softly—as if the sound would break something precious or wake a child from slumber.

Seeing that stupid werewolf had brought back too many memories. He had more than spent his fair share in nights sitting in this room. Spend so many hours just looking…wasting his life away…but he couldn't leave, he just couldn't.

But seeing the werewolf, the mutt, the rat, and the golden boy all in the same place and at the same time—it just about killed him.

Once the door had been shut and all of the outside world had disappeared he let the tears that had been threatening to fall all night, fall. He let out the silent sob freely and without shame; so unlike what he would have done if he were in the presence of others.

Pushing himself off the door he had been leaning on, he walked to the spot that held the least dust and sat on the cold, hard concrete floor and looked at the reflective object in front of him. He didn't see his reflection in front of him, couldn't spot the old potions professor that he had grown to be.

A boy, around age fifteen, with hair very much like his own took his place instead. A prefect badge on his Slytherin robes and a small, soft smile was directed at the man who could very well have been his father. But Severus' eyes weren't trained on him for long, they soon found their way toward to boy who was a head taller and had his arm wrapped around the smaller boy.

His grin threatening to slit his face at first but it softened and he opened his eyes to gaze upon the elder man. His gold and burgundy robes clashing with those of the boy next to him and his hair so un-kept it looked just like he rolled out of bed; Severus couldn't have asked for a better image if he tried.

His tears hadn't stopped since he walked in but his heart broke a bit more when he saw the picture but he wouldn't have it any other way. They couldn't talk of course, just two dimensional images appearing for his pleasure (and pain), but he laughed through the tears when the boy mouthed something.

'Hello Snevellus,' Oh, how he missed hearing that voice, how he missed hearing that affectionate nickname in a sneer. Still crying, he got to his knees and put his hand to the glass, the boy unwrapping his arm from the other (who then evaporated from the picture with a smile) put his hand where Severus' was and the potions master desperately wished, with his entire being, that he could feel the warmth from the hand but all he could feel was the smooth, cold glass.

He then leaned forward and put his forehead to the surface and looked deeply into the eyes he was greatful that the boy's son didn't inherit; he couldn't bear if they looked more similar than they already were.

"I miss you." His whispered breath fogged up the vision for a moment before clearing and he boy mirrored him and put his own forehead to the glass; giving the illusion that the two were connected in more places than one.

'And I miss you.' Though he could hear no voice, the sound rang throughout his mind and he tried to push closer to the glass, to become one with his vision, but it was a futile attempt and he knew it; he had already tried so many times in the past.

The water that leaked from his eyes ran down the mirror and Severus took his forehead away before putting his lips to the cold surface. He kept his eyes open, he had to, for if he didn't he wouldn't have known the boy attempted to connect their lips.

Moving his whole body away from the mirror slowly, like he was shocked that he could feel the warm brush of the others lips against his own, he slammed his fist to the floor and let out a heart wrenching cry that could have very likely been heard from the Gryffindor common rooms.

It wasn't fair, it WASN'T FAIR!

This piece of glass, however thin or thick it was, separated him from the one he loved. Why would someone make something that tortured a person like this? Would they have taken pleasure from all the pain it caused him?

And yet… and yet Severus would have gladly spent the rest of his life on his knees thanking the person for the happiness it brought him.

He looked up from the floor, looking away from the darkened spots that were proof of his tears, and back to the boy who looked onto him similar to that which Snape was looking back at him; tears running down his perfect face and a look of pure joy mixed with agony.

Severus would have pounded on the glass, tried to break through it to him, but the top corner already showed signs of cracks from where he punched night after night. He would have clawed at it, scratched until he was reunited with him, but the lines of white and red already marred the perfect picture from where he clawed until his fingers were bleeding.

Most of the time the teenager just stood there, looking onto him with pity, agony, and love but sometimes, sometimes he clawed at it with the same furiosity as Severus which made him wonder; was he really there on the other side?

But today, all the potions master did was put the pads of his fingers to the glass—mindful of his nails—and sobbed out everything that went on the other night. About Lupin, Sirius, Peter… Harry; about everything that went on in the shrieking shack, then what happened outside of it—what became of all of them. The told the tale through the sobs, forced himself to, even though he knew the man in front of him already knew the events that had happened; for the dead watched over those they loved.

Taking out his wand, he cast a spell very softly and watched as the room light up in a silver-blue and a stag pranced around the room before running in his direction and disappearing once the light touched his skin. This had to be the ultimate show of love he had for the brunette because it was the only thing they shared.

"I love you James." Severus was leaning against the mirror, his tears almost dried up for he had nothing more to cry, and the boy—now turned into a man—sat as well attempting to wrap his arms around the broken man even though he knew he would fail miserably.

Closing his eyes from exhaustion, Severus felt his consciousness slipping away from exhaustion for he hadn't been able to sleep since the night that he had just spoke of. He had spent full nights down here before, sometimes falling asleep looking at the image of his dead lover or just staring the entire night never growing tired, but he had never fallen asleep against the glass; for that meant he could see James as he wandered into his dreams.

But he didn't move—he couldn't. And when the last remnants of consciousness slipped away from him, he felt a bust of warmth and heard a soft voice and softly smiled as his dream started to take shape.

**~This is a line break~**

Remus Lupin trotted down the unknown path looking as ragged as ever with a black lab at his heels. He glared at the dog, angry at him for returning to the castle but was happy to see his friend none the less. Though, he made him swear that after the night was over he'd leave on the back of Buckbeak once more; he was very fortunate that Sirius agreed without putting up a fight.

He was curious as to why the wanted man returned anyway and the look the black dog gave him blatantly said he needed to see Snevlleus; sighing, he grudgingly agreed and had the dog follow him—he needed to see the potions professor anyway, he had just been putting it off. Luckily, the headmaster had let him return after school had ended to pack his things so there were no students but there were still ghosts and teachers walking about the castle so they cautiously walked to the main stairwell without being seen and were vaguely surprised to see the man they were searching for walk into the third floor corridor.

Lupin was about to shout his name, to make him stop, but padfoot nudged his hand with his nose and made him pause. He looked back at the dog disguised man for and explanation but all he did was motion his head back to Snape. He was barely able to catch another glimpse at the man before he disappeared behind the door and was shocked frozen when he saw the tears.

Shaking himself a bit, they quickly followed behind the Slytherin and walked briskly to an unknown part of the castle. Following the path Severus had taken, they both were surprised at the dead plant hanging from the walls, the giant chess set in ruins, the silver keys all over the floor and the odd bottles sitting innocently on a pedestal but they were even more shocked at what they found behind the only closed door.

Casting a silencing spell, Lupin opened the door enough so they could both peek inside. They were blown away when they saw Severus on his knees in front of a mirror with his hand and forehead pressed up to the glass.

"I miss you." If the agony and longing were evident in his face, they were in his voice. The watched, dumbstruck, as the emotionless potions professor pressed his lips to the glass before pulling away and pounding the ground with all his might.

The two just stood there torn at the cries and sobs that were falling from the man's mouth as he fought with the floor but a moment later, the beating stopped and the only thing they could hear were his sobs as he looked back up to the mirror with no reflection.

When he put the tips of his fingers back onto the glass Lupin's eyebrows shot up at the claw marks and streaks of dry blood. He was about to go in there and demand what was going on, what happened to the strong Severus that they knew. The one with no emotions, the one that hated the world, the one they constantly picked on as children but he stopped himself from doing so when the soft broken voice started to speak.

"The other night I saw your friends—all of them and in one room. I already spoke of Lupin," At this Lupin blinked and looked down to Sirius who looked back up to him with the same confusion and curiosity. "But Sirius and that traitor Peter was there as well; apparently he was disguised as Weasley's rat all these years." A sob broke the forced speech.

"But... but your son was there as well." At this Severus curled up into a little ball at the base of the mirror and wrapped his arms around himself before he leaned his head against it and continued his tale.

"You have no idea how much he looks like you James; it was like we were back in school. I-I couldn't bear it if he had your eyes…." Sirius whined softly, knowing that Snape couldn't hear him, and listened to the broken man as he spoke to an illusion of his best friend.

He forgot about this most of the time. He constantly forgot that it was James and Snevellus that were in love and not James and Lily. One would have never guessed it by the way the spoke to one another when they were married but the only reason they got married in the first place was Snape went and got the dark mark and James accidently got Lily pregnant when they were both drunk.

He never wondered at what Snape had to go through, always thought he lost his emotions when he received the dark mark and never pondered on the past when Lily and James got married because James never spoke of him again but now he sees that it was probably because it was too hard to talk about. The man that he truly though was emotionless was the most broken man he'd even seen; and he knew that if Snape was in the presence of a dementor for even a moment he would break.

"I'm trying; I've kept my promise to keep him safe. Watched oven him in those ruddy muggles home and made sure the Dark Lord hasn't returned yet but it's so hard. Remus tortured me just being here and when I saw Sirius then Wormtail… I was almost happy that your son knocked me out." Lupin watched, helpless to the tears running down his face as Severus sobbed out the events of the night before.

When his voice had quieted and the last of his tears had fallen, Sirius was about to walk in when the potions master grabbed his wand. Freezing, the two thought Snape had caught them and expected the want to be turned at them but were proven wrong when he uttered a spell that was not needed but not unwanted by any person (and reflection) in the room.

"Expecto Patronum," The silver-blue wisp of light fell over the room softly and soon transformed into the stag that used to be James Potters animagus form. He pranced around the room as calmly as Severus had spoken the spell and the two were reminded James; even more-so when it stopped to gaze at Severus.

Only once has Severus seen James in his animagus form and he walked up to him exactly like if he were human and Severus wrapped his arms around the Stag, kissing his head softly before spending the rest of the night in the forest with him. When dawn rolled around, and the three went to look for their missing friend they found him, still in his animagus form, watching over the sleeping boy with love in his eyes; only when Severus woke did James change back.

And only when the stag touched Severus' skin did he disappear.

"I love you James."

They watched silently as Snape fell asleep against the glass, and only when they were sure that he was asleep did they walk in. They both went to stand in front of the mirror and, by some miracle; they saw James trying to wrap his arms around his sleeping love.

He smiled softly at his friends as they looked onto him dumbstruck; Sirius even got closer and whined to make sure he was seeing things right.

"James," They saw him mouth a few words to them before looking back to his sleeping lover. Crawling over, Sirius gave some warmth to the sleeping man and jumped when they heard a familiar voice; but there was no way he could….

They quickly looked back to the mirror but James had disappeared; it looked like love did concur all—even the laws of life and death. And they looked upon a sleeping Severus, the man that they had just promised to look out for, just like Severus had promised for Harry and a tear dripped down Severus' face as he smiled.

"I love you too Severus."


End file.
